There’s been a lot of talk the past few months about yesterday’s elections and about what different outcomes might signify about the State of the Electorate.  The conventional wisdom was that widespread anger about illegal immigration, “runaway government spending” and Barack Obama’s secret Muslim/socialist/fascist healthcare plan would lead to crushing defeats of incumbent Democrats throughout the nation.  Generally, the media believed this to be true, and determined that a shift in the balance of power would be the end of Obamerica as we know, at least insofar as it would stop his pursuit of changing America’s official language to Swahili.

In total, house Republicans picked up 60 seats to gain control which would be great except being in control of the US House is sort of like being in control of a car that has no windows and no engine and no tires.  But even disregarding the uniquely unproductive nature of The House, this looks like your basic “ass-kicking” and could be seen as an affirmation of the conventional wisdom and potentially, a point of concern for our president.  If you’re a Democrat, you cannot be happy about last night’s outcome, especially if you were one of 60 Democrats who is now trying to find another $170,000/year job that allows you to spend most of your time going to cocktail parties and spending money from political donors and taking trips with tax money and proposing bills to congratulate cub scouts from your district on completing a 6-day camping trip.  However, when viewed another way, the change has one very tangible benefit for Democrats, which is that Weasel John Baynor will now have to transform his strategy of “spray tan and bellicosity” into “spray tan and legislative ideas”, which will be hard for him because he is from Ohio.

In Massachusetts, we bucked the national trend and managed to prolong the careers of our entirely Democratic delegation, including Barney Frank, who won despite beating his own record for insulting people and being arrogant 100% of the time.  National media figures will tell you that the firmly Democratic delegation means Massachusetts is still a “fringe” state, but if they tell you this, they would be leaving out important facts about the people running on the republican ticket such as that Jeff Perry, the Tea Party candidate in the 10^th district, is the literally the only person in the history of law enforcement to do something bad enough to get fired from his job as a police officer and that he obtained some kind of fake master’s degree online in about 12 days from a school that was eventually closed because it was basically a scam diploma factory but maintained that he was “proud” of this accomplishment.

While republicans picked up a few seats in the Senate, democrats were able to capture or retain some important seats and retain control which means Obama may still be able to get through his agenda of death panels and mandatory pre-K Farsi.  The main reason the balance of power did not shift in the senate was that unlike in throwaway congressional districts in central Florida that nobody cares where people could get elected on a platform of putting gay people in jail “just because”, the national media paid enough attention to senate races involving luminaries such as Christine O’Donnell and Linda McMahon to cause thoughtful republicans in states such as Connecticut and Delaware to realize that they’d rather have a “tax and spend liberal” than someone who has never held a job or thinks dinosaurs lived on earth with humans 700 years ago.

All in all, last night was probably good for America: Republicans can now stop blaming the President for everything that’s wrong, and start blaming the President for most of what’s wrong and then blaming the rest of what’s wrong on illegal immigrants who are stealing all of the high-paying seasonal blueberry picking jobs.  Democrats can stop worrying about how they haven’t made the economy better and put their energy into more productive pursuits, such as the pursuits of ways they can blame Republicans for what’s wrong, even though they won’t really have any power.  Jane and John Q Taxpayer win because by the time all of this takes its course, the economy will recover because of reasons totally disconnected from governmental policy and they can get back to eating at the Cheesecake Factory.  But mostly last night is a win for the President – now that the pressure’s off he can start slamming Republicans for blocking progress, and spend most of his time to sitting back, rubbing his hands together and laughing menacingly as he watches Americans register for their compulsory weekly government doctor’s appointments using only Arabic.