There is an old adage that says "you don't go to law school to learn how to be a lawyer - you go to law school to learn to think like a lawyer".  Nobody really knows what this means, but I think it has something to do with the fact that being a lawyer isn't too hard. 
 

Law school is set up slightly differently than other schools I've attended.  In law school, classes are taught by two types of people: professors, who are people who make the study of law sound harder than it is, and. adjuncts, lawyers who make the practice of law sound harder than it is. To become a law professor, a person must attend law school and have at least one strange hobby such as horse racing.  To become an adjunct, one must frequently arrive late to class and discuss their work whenever possible.  What the two have in common is that at my law school, unlike the students, they were both allowed to use the faculty bathroom.

In college, most courses start with a syllabus, which is something all professors must file with their Dean in order to keep getting paid.  The syllabus contains several dates as well as many page numbers called “assigned readings”, which allowed students to see in advance how much work they will need to do in the three days before their exam. The Syllabus also contains the name of the Course Text Book, which always contains the word Module, even if it is about Theatre History.

In law school, there is only one test which determines one’s grade in a given course.  This provides a unique opportunity for what is known as "getting good grades even though you didn't go to class".  The way this works is that, for example, student A attends very few classes of Professional Responsibility because his professor is short and silly looking. Student A can look at the syllabus, determine the date of the exam, and get a decent grade by discussing the ethical issues that were raised by “To Kill a Mockingbird”, such as the use of the word "chifarobe" and by correctly guessing that lawyers are not supposed to take money from the opponents of their clients, unless they immediately report it in a Module.

Another popular course is Constitutional law, which explains that the government can technically do whatever it wants but that occasionally, after eight years, a person can get a piece of paper saying the government was technically wrong.  One of the first cases any law student reads is that of Marbury v. Madison, the case in which the Supreme Court gave itself the right to decide important cases instead of just wearing long black robes for no reason.  Another popular case is called Wickard v. Filburn, which addresses the government's ability to control economic decision making.  In that case, a farmer violated the law by producing wheat to feed his pigs instead of buying it from someone else.  The court determined that while the government could not stop Mr. Filburn from growing wheat, it could take a tax from him that would be used to pay some but not all of the salary of people who drive around the country looking for people feeding pigs their own wheat.  The rest of the salary would be paid for by a deficit, which is a fancy word that means Chinese people.

Another fundamental element of first year law school is legal writing.  In this course. A professor assures you will be bad at this type of writing because it is very different from any writing you've done in the past.  Legal Writing follows a simple formula: Conclusion, Rule, Elements, Application, Conclusion.  This formula allows a law student to reduce a rudimentary thought into five rudimentary thoughts. The following is an example of how a student can use the outline to fashion a cogent legal sentence:

C – The daughter is not entitled to relief because there is no way her parents intended to give her that much money.

R -  When someone makes a will, they usually don't think they have any money, so they are just fooling around.

E – you can tell if someone was fooling around if their will has been cut into a paper snowflake, if they have licked any portion of the text, if they have used the word forthwith, or if they attempt to give away things they don't have.

A- in this case, the woman had no iguana, so even if she licked the paper by accident, it was probably not her fault that she cut it into a snowflake.

C- Therefore, the daughter must grow her own wheat.

If you can master this strategy you too can become a successful lawyer.  If someone tells you otherwise, they're probably an adjunct.