When my fiance and I bought a dog we started watching a lot of Animal planet.  We did so because we thought that it would help us understand our new family member and perhaps make us more attuned to the meaning of his subtle signals, such as when he screamed at the top of his lungs for six hours while we went to a baseball game. 

For all of recorded history, or at least since 1982, people have assumed that an animal's sole means of communication was the one noise that was assigned it as part of every child's Infant Education which also includes words such as “up” and “hot”,  which is often used in place of “dangerous” while pointing at things that are sharp, steep, or high and which may have something to do with the fact that most Americans refer to all Asian people as Chinese.

I, over the objection of every less-than-three-year-old in America submit that it's futile to listen to what dogs say, and far more important to pay attention to what they do.  For example, my dog has one bark which he makes for all purposes not relating to a squirrel or someone of Indian decent.  Given that he knows how to retrieve a stick and only chews women's underwear I refuse to believe that he simply makes these noises as a generic Sign of Agitation, so conclude that it is either a curious case of  homonyms, or his way of making me wonder what he is doing while he swallows small pieces of plastic that I would take from his mouth if I weren't so busy wondering why he was barking.

I have worked tirelessly over the last couple of years to build a strong bond with my dog and to learn the significance of his behavior.  My encyclopedic knowledge of my dog's behavior allows me to do many things such as recognize when my dog has gone to the bathroom on the floor before I smell or step in it, to realize, in under ten minutes, that there is a leaf stuck near his private parts that is causing him great anxiety, or most importantly,  to explain that my dog is barking angrily at my house guest not because he wants to bite her face off, but because he is merely excited by new people.

I recently read a book about dog psychology which, among other things, contended that people believe that dogs are more affectionate than cats, and that they communicate more effectively with their dogs because dogs have eyebrows, and thus, make faces to which people relate.  I haven't had time to cross-check the data on whatever survey lead to this conclusion, but in an anecdotal study, when I mentioned it to my dog, he licked my face and wagged his tail excitedly, and my cat shot me a cold glance and went outside for three days.

The same book also said that dogs can “count” up to nine.  Just after saying this, it backed off somewhat and instead says that while dogs can't actually count, they can keep track of where 9 things are at once. I am not sure how the scientists know this, but I can confirm that my dog can keep excellent track of whether I am home, or away, and accordingly, make a decision about whether to watch me go to the bathroom, or chew my flip flops.

Animal Planet, as it turns out, has little useful information for dog owners and is more focused upon programming about organisms which could live inside of ones ear without them knowing, and programs about people who were gravely injured by animals because they attempted to tie the animal to some kind of vehicle, or because they attempted to put their head inside of its mouth. 

The one thing Animal Planet has allowed is some time for my dog to bond with me while sitting on the couch. I can't say for sure if he enjoys it because I'm still working on his verbal cues, but judging from his eyebrows, he is Chinese.