America’s health care system is premised on four First Principals: the first, that podiatrists and dermatologists shall make the most money but shall complain that people in finance make more; second, that all doctors shall complain that dentists make too much money; third, that all doctors are required to use the word “physician” when referring to their doctor friends; and fourth, that all doctors shall be considered experts on every activity such as childrearing or windsurfing.

I haven’t been paying much attention to the healthcare debate because I hate politicians, but mostly because I traded caring about politics for looking for my next meal and trying to pay rent about three years ago.  I suppose I should care as for the first time in my life I am among America’s Uninsured Class, but for a variety of reasons, some of them involving professional baseball, I wouldn’t read a single page of press on this debate if I had four hours with nothing to do. 

Democrats get “deeply concerned” about our health care system every few years and demand a nation wide discussion during which they speak to lots of mothers who work very hard but remain concerned that they will be unable to provide medical coverage for their children.  They also make sure to talk to someone with at least one Medical Horror Story, such as that their son got a peanut stuck in his esophagus, and his insurance company told him he should see a podiatrist, but the podiatrist was playing golf and couldn’t see him until June, so he instead he went to the dentist who did not accept his insurance.

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Once, Democrats got so serious about fixing health care, that they asked Hillary Clinton to fix it herself, which was a pretty good idea because at the time she wore pantsuits even though she didn’t have a job.  Surprisingly, she was unable to fix health care, but her failure to do so was not totally without purpose as it gave her opponents something to mention every fifteen seconds during her presidential campaign.

Republicans also get very concerned about health care, but their concerns are different. Mostly, they worry that Mexicans will take a break from kidnappings to come to California to get an appendectomy, in addition to looking for work and buying pit bulls.  Instead of using the medical horror stories, Republicans have perfected the slippery slope hypothetical which usually involves a young girl being unable to have her emergency eye cancer surgery because a Mexican is having an appendectomy or because their Pit Bull is in the emergency room.

Republicans also fear the costs of health care, which they regard as being either ludicrous, or obscene, and which they believe are vastly understated by the Democrats, who are trying to bankrupt America by giving various unnecessary medical procedures to The Poor, because the Democrats hate America and/or are secretly Muslims. 

Given the high-level of discussion it’s not hard to see why working stiffs such as myself stay out of the fray; but while I can avoid listening to middle aged men use words like “imperative,” I can’t avoid getting sick.  When I was in law school, I had insurance through the college, which mostly existed to satisfy some requirement that the Government put on the law school but which secondarily, was supposed to provide some level of coverage if I ever got eye cancer.  Incidentally, I never got eye cancer, but I did get elbowed in the mouth during a intramural game by a fellow student resulting in twelve stitches in my upper lip.  In addition to ruining a tee shirt I had owned for thirteen years and providing an excuse for why I was unable to speak during classes for one week, my lip issue gave me an introduction into some of the frequently-discussed issues with health care.

In my case, there was a chance that a small piece of tooth had been lodged in my lip, which could cause severe infection.  If I had been legitimately broke, the doctors would have given me an x-ray to determined that I nothing in my lip, but since I had Lousy College Insurance, they simply sowed me up when I said I wouldn't pay for the pictures. 

I recently heard a non-politician friend say something about how "American’s health care system costs one and a half times that of the next cheapest health care system in civilized nations” which is the kind of comment that makes my eyes glaze over and reminds me that I may still have a tooth in my lip, which could cause me to visit my primary care physician, who could give me a referral to a specialist, who only works on Wednesday afternoons, who I could see next March, because he is at his vacation home in Idaho giving windsurfing lessons.